Two Months

So, Olivia is two months old. Most moms would just blog about how quickly time has flown, how adorable she is, how much they love her...but thats not what im gonna do. Okay, maybe at the end, cuz its all true.

Olivia

We started off kinda rocky...she woke up every 2 hours, stayed up till 1 in the morning. She always seemed to be gassy or starving. All of that put together makes it super hard on mom's sanity when you are breastfeeding because you pretty much have no help. And I couldnt even pump for Ben to help with some of the feedings. There were lots of nights where I was in tears, at my wits. There were even some nights where I would yell at her (ok not really yell, just raised voice), begging her to tell me what she wanted. Well, we fixed all that....when I found out I had basically been starving her lol. When I took her in for her checkup she hadnt gained any weight. I knew my chances of being successful at breastfeeding this time around was slim, due to my failure with Brooklynn. So instead of fighting it, I just accepted the fact that Im a bad cow lol. We switched her to formula and things got alot better. Yes, I still did most of the night feedings, but they were fewer, and less stressful. She has since developed a decent sleep pattern, sleeps in her crib, and sleeps through the night. She usually goes to bed around 10:30 and wakes up at 6:30. Im not a morning person, and i still despise waking up so dang early, but Ill happily take it. I mean come on, whats there to complain about. Actually, Olivia has a pretty solid schedule already with naps and bed, predictable. She has been starting to coo lately, with great big smiles. We are struggling a bit with tummy time, mostly because she will just lay there. She doesnt even really care, or attempt to raise her head. But she can turn it side to side no problem, and when we are holding her she has good head control. We are working on it though. Our one main obstacle with her has been constipation from the formula, and I have to give her prune juice and lubricate her little bum to make it easier. Eww right? Last week we had to take her up to Calgary to see a cardiologist for a heart murmur. It was small, and they said it shouldnt cause any problems and should close up on its own. We have to go back in 6 months to check up on it. But other than that, she sure is a cutie.

Brooklynn

This kid sure is a handful. She is so dang smart. Combine that with her dads stubborness/attitude (lol) and you get a kid who doesnt like to do what she is told, wants to do everything herself, and pushes every button there is to push. The most annoying things right now is the throwing things when you try to take them from her, the defiant "NO", her telling us she CAN do something after we have told her no ("I can cry", "I can scream", "I can...). But...it also means that she actually CAN do alot of things. She can say her ABC's, learn new songs in seconds (her newest one is "Alouette", french for crying out loud), count to 20, speak in full paragraphs (more like novels lol), say eloquent prayers. That is one of her new things that I love...her reminding us that we have to say a prayer/blessing..."daddy, we forgot to say the blessing". Then she folds her arms and stars saying it..."Heavenly father, thank you for this day. Thank you for mommy and daddy and olivia and mavy and lizard and grandma and grandpa and uncle ryan and aunti jessica (add other family members, people, and dogs). Thank you for the food. Thank you for the "hosiple" (gospel). Thank you for the missionaries.Thank you for jesus. Thank you for "insert anything that she wants", ie that we could go to the shoppers store, for my waterbottle, etc." Its so adorable. Another thing she has learned by herself....to go potty! Last monday I got brooklynn up in the morning and she immediately told me she wanted to go potty and wear panties. I hadnt been trying to potty train her, but over the last couple weeks she had been asking us to take her pee, where she went through the motions. Well, monday she decided she wanted to potty train herself, and like everything else she has done up till now...she just did it. Today is day 9, and she has had no accidents, tells me when she has to go, and poops on the potty too. We havent braved night time yet, but she wakes up with basically dry diapers. I am so astounded...and so proud of her. Lol and she knows it too :) Half of the times she pees, when she is finished she looks at me and smiles "Youre so proud of me". I truely am. Its amazing that she just did it herself like that. Brooklynn has adapted well to Olivia, and she is such a good sister. She holds her on the couch, moving her gently off her lap onto the couch when she is done or needs to get up. She talks to her all the time..."you're wide awake! She's so sweet! A-goo! Stretch out olivia! Thats a good burp! Do you need some more dinner?" She is also good at putting her soother in when she cries, or tries to feed her her bottle when she is crying. She has been so good with her. But, like i said, she has been a real handful, and sometimes a huge pain in the butt. There are lots of nights where I just plop her in bed, give her a quick kiss, then book it out of the room before I lose my freaking mind. Lots of times either Ben or I will say "Daddy/Mom! Put her to bed before Olivia becomes an only child!" Then one of us will rescue the other from losing it lol. 

I seem to be almost losing it alot lately. Two months. Two months of raising two kids...if you can call it that. Its more like two months of keeping two kids alive. I knew that two kids would be harder than 1. I knew that it would be harder to juggle both, to take care of a baby and a toddler at the same time, both requiring completely different things. What I hadnt prepared for, even though i knew it was bound to happen, was the impact that it would have on me....having two people need me. Yes, before Olivia, Brooklynn needed me all the time, and most of my time was devoted to her. I didnt have much 'me' time before, I have about the same amount now. But the intensity of those needed hours, where two need you, not just one....its crippling. Mentally and physically exhausting. Now, Im going to say something that every mother is/has/or will be thinking......

I love my girls. I wouldnt trade anything for them. I love being a mom, and watching them both change and grow. Being a mother is what I was made for, what I have always wanted, my divine calling, my desire. But....sometimes I feel like I am not cut out to be a mother. Sometimes I feel like a failure, like I shouldnt have had kids because I cant do it. That even having these thoughts confirms my doubts....no way do other moms think like this. No way do other mothers sometimes wish away their children, imagine what it would be like if they were never born. How easy it would be to go back to when it was just the two of you, a young happy couple. Or even just to when it was you. How easy it was then. Sure you had other problems, but they were different. You didnt have someone who needed you, every second of every day. You didnt feel you had lost yourself, lost the "me". Because Im not just "me" anymore....Im a wife, cook, maid, life planner. Im a nother, a caregiver, a nurse, a hug and kiss, a disciplinary, a teacher, a preacher, a zoo keeper. And sometimes, you just need a break, a break that you never truly get. A break to do what you want, when you want, why you want. But, that is who you are....you ARE a wife, you ARE a mother. And you are not alone, because every other mother out there, even though she may be completely different and do things differently, is exactly the same as you. This is who we are, even though we dont have time to know that person in the mirror. Its a hard thing to accept, a harder thing to admit. Because surely Im the only one who feels this way. Wrong. All mothers do. This is my shout out to all the other mothers and wives out there who are feeling this right now. Its okay to feel this way, its completely natural....if you dont, you must be super-natural, and the mere humans envy you. But, we will continue to do it, because we know why we do it. We love it. We love them. We wouldnt trade them for anything. Being a mother is our greatest gift and blessing, even when we doubt it or forget it.

Enough of the heavy, here's some pictures :)

Early Christmas

Last weekend we had Brooklynn's 2nd Birthday party and fake Christmas at the Hubers, I was completely convinced that I would either be in the hospital over Christmas having a baby, or that I would be to miserably pregnant by Christmas to want to throw her a party.So we had it early...but thats for another post, cuz more excitingly........SHE'S HERE!

Olivia Krissy Huber's Birth Story

So, at my 39week appointment I had the Dr do a stretch and sweep, even though i knew that it hadnt done anything when I had it done when i was pregnant with Brooklynn. He did the sweep...only 1cm dialated and 50% effaced. Pooey. So I resigned myself to the fact that she wasnt coming early. And, the sweep did nothing, as predicted....or so I thought. This is the last bump picture that I took at 39weeks.

39weeks with Olivia

Just for comparison sake, here is 40weeks with Brooklynn

Sunday morning i woke up at 5am for my hourly pee, and found show. I didnt get too excited as i know that it can happen up to like 2 weeks before labor. So i went back to bed, slightly hopeful i must admit. About an hour later I started having light contractions, not braxton hicks and not intense labor contractions, but definitely early labor. They were only about 15min apart, but kinda went away when i got up to go to Church. At Church i walked the halls, hoping to bring them back. Had a few contractions. So after church I went with my mom to walk the mall. Contractions came back, as close as 5min apart, but only lasting about 30seconds, and I could walk through them...not labor.That night they really picked up! Super painful, like moaning and groaning through them, very much labor! But, they were 10min apart still. So I was up all night with these painful contractions, no sleep.

Monday, went about my day, very tired from being up all night. Again, contractions became wussy and few and far between. That night at my parents house they picked up yet again, as close as 3 min. We decided to go home and try to sleep as I thought it was still a far ways off based on my experience with Brooklynn. We left my parents house, and contractions dropped back to 10-15min apart, although more and more painful. They continued all night, eventually reaching 5 min apart. Ben called L&D and asked when we should come in cuz he didnt want to be sent home. Cuz even though I was still 5min apart, I was not coping very well and the contractions were comparable to when i was about 7cm when i was pregnant with Brooklynn. The nurse talked to me on the phone, just as i had a contraction. From listening to me she suggested that we had better come in...so we were off. I was completely expecting to be sent home after they assessed me. We arrived at the hospital shortly after 1am.

Tuesday...we got to the hospital in the wee hours of the morning and the nurse checked me. A good 4cm!!!! No freaking way! I thought she was crazy, cuz there was no way i was already 4 with them being so far apart still. So we were admitted, we were not going home! It was baby time!!!!!!! So, again, I labored in the shower as I had done with Brooklynn. The nurse kindly brought me the portable gas tank, although I dont really think that it was on, cuz it didnt help at all. I was surprised with how early she offered a pain intervention to me, and thought that perhaps I would get the epidural I was wanting for this delivery,(I had been fantasizing about the epidural the entire pregnancy, cuz I only had gas with Brooklynn and wanted more!). The reason she offered so early was cuz she was expecting me to go pretty fast apparently. Ben poked his head in the shower to check on me and told me that the nurse had everything ready out there (oh, forgot to mention they actually had me laboring in the delivery room, not one of the pre-rooms). I started feeling pressure, not pushing pressure but definietly pressure, so I got out of the shower and she checked me again....8cm!! And according to Ben i was only in the shower for 1.5hrs. Booyah! A while later she checked me again during a contraction and did a sweep....woosh, there went my water. Again, as i had with Brooklynn, I kinda got stuck at 9.5cm, but with the help of lots of gas I made it to 10. I started to push. It was much different than with Brooklynn, where the pushing was the relief part of labor. This pushing sucked! It didnt come naturally and I had to work very hard. I know that I kept repeating "I cant do this," pathetically, even though i knew i could/had to. THe nurse called the Dr in then cuz apparently baby's heartrate dropped to 90bpm when i was pushing. So Dr Harrison came in. He froze me a little and told me he was gonna use the vacuum to help get her out faster cuz of her heartrate dropping. So then it was time to push again. 1 or 2 (i cant remember) contractions later she was out. Apparently she had the cord around her neck loosely which was the cause of her distress, and her arm was up by her head which was the cause for the difficulty pushing. But she was out at 4:39am on December 16th 2014.

Olivia Krissy Huber

Dec 16 2014 @ 4:39am

8lbs 4oz

20"

We spent the morning in the hospital, and then around 2pm the Dr came and discharged us! From admittance to discharge was 13hrs! I was happy to go home that early, cuz I felt great and I really hate hospital beds. And I was feeling good, honestly. It was such a different experience from Brooklynn's birth....it was faster, less painful, I was less swollen, less uncomfortable, less tired. She had a great latch when breastfeeding, so even that was different....no cracked nips, no wincing when latching. Everything about it was and has been completely different so far. 

Today Olivia is 5 days old, and things are going good. Im a little worried about my milk supply, but I have proactively gone on domperidone/motilium to try to nip it in the butt. She is a good sleeper at night (too bad I have to wake her up to feed so that my milk supply stays up), and pretty content during the day as long as she is being held. Brooklynn is um....adjusting? She likes her little baby sister Olivia, but she is struggling with the decreased mommy time on demand. And, she is two....so we are also having some independence/defiance/strong-willed child problems. She is more whiny, more defiant. But it doesnt help that she is getting a cold, so that plays a negative role too. It will definitely take some time to adjust. But we will get there Im sure, and hopefully everyone survives. Wish us luck! 

Stuff (aka never know what to title my posts)

Brooklynn...
Lets start with Brooklynn I guess, cuz she's the cutest. She got a hair cut last weekend in preparation for family pictures. It was her first haircut ever! She was pretty squirmy but she didn't mind it at all. I was afraid she was gonna freak out, but she was totally fine. It makes her hair look quite a bit shorter, but it was desperately needed, and it actually tamed the crazy a little bit so it still looks cute without being done. Here are some pics.

Yes, she still has a soother :-| I was just about to take it away and she decided to get sick and teeth her 2 yr old molars at the same time. No way was i gonna do that sans soother. She has been a boogey snotty drooling mess for the last week, and more of a handful than usual. Tiring this mommy out. But she's cute, so she somehow makes it through the day alive.

This girl is so stinkin smart, sometimes it makes me just want to kick her little butt. I wish that i had a video camera that just videotaped my entire day with her so that i could have proof of how flipping smart she is. Maybe i need to invest in a go-pro. She sings all the words to songs buy herself, she knows (most) or her alphabet and i sometimes catch her saying them, she always asks "how are you today?" whenever she sees someone. Sometimes when she wants something done she tells me "mommy, do it yourself!", cheeky little girl. All day everyday i find myself saying and thinking "no way, your not even two yet you turkey!" Most people we run into ask how old she is, and assume she is three. Nope, not even two yet. Ben always comments "is she like this ALL day? Does she ever stop? Will she eventually plateau, or is she gonna be this flippin smart and advanced forever?" I dont mean to brag, but this girl is seriously a genius! I have never met a 21month old with her vocabulary, communication skills, or understanding. Im in so much trouble!!!!!!!!!

Ben...
He's done picking corn, and its kind of the 2 week lull in between corn and silage. Cows dont come home till it snows/freezes really good, so he has a while on that still. But he does have cow stuff to do in order to get the feedlot ready to bring them all home. Luckily Sue said she is going to go out and do my paperwork job when it comes to branding and weighing when we wean, so i don't have to go sit out in the cold for hours on a hard chair while 7 months pregnant. That was no fun when i was pregnant with Brooklynn. Ben has had time now, so he has started back up at kickboxing 4 days a week. You can definitely tell when its kickboxing season cuz my van stinks like sweaty gear and Ben is covered in glove bite marks and clinch bruises. He looks like I physically abuse him at home lol. Luckily nothing on his face....yet. The marks aren't from actually getting beat up, just from training and getting banged up by equipment when they are sparring. Sorry, no pictures of Ben.


Baby...
But i do have some pretty cute pictures of baby girl :-) We had a 3D ultrasound last weekend, and it turned out way better than when we went when i was pregnant with Brooklynn. Here are some of the good ones

She is measuring right on track and looking great. Crazy that she could come out now and be totally fine (well not fine, but survive and have a good chance). She still doesn't have a name yet, but we are narrowing down the list. She wont have a name till she is born, cuz daddy is pretty adamant about that. And i cant even tell people any of the possibilities. I wish i could just have a name for her already like lots of other pregnant women. Then i could personalize things. But oh well. Here are some pictures of baby girls room. I painted it all by myself!!!!!! Lol you can definitely tell, cuz it was my first time and i was a little shaky on cutting in the roof. Dont worry, we are gonna fix it......eventually lol. All that is left to do is make a name banner (would be nice to actually have a name lol), and put the clothes in the dresser and closet. All the baby clothes are sorted, washed, and currently stored in vacuum seal bags in the closet, so we are ready to go. Also pictured is my steal of a deal double stroller!!!! Found it on kijiji for $100, regular $298! And its in perfect new shape, so i saved us a buttload for money

The mirror and wall hangings were my great-grandmas, finally being put to use:-)

Me...
Im all about saving money this year for Christmas, cuz we are trying to save up. So i am doing homemade Christmas this year, and i am mostly done! Ben and i have decided we don't want much from each other, so it will be like a couple gifts. I am done parents and siblings! All i have to do is Brooklynn, and this is what im making for her out of my computer desk that is currently being used to collect junk in my kitchen.

Its gonna be awesome!!! I cant wait. Like literally, i cant wait cuz i need to start asap. I know i wont want to be doing it when im 8 or 9 months pregnant, im already starting to hit the returning 3rd trimester fatigue, which sucks. Here are some updated pictures ofthe bump,

22weeks

23weeks

24weeks

25weeks

26weeks

27weeks

28 weeks

And here is 29 weeks with Brooklynn and with this baby

Brooklynn

Baby #2