Bedroom Finished.

Here are some pictures of the finished bedroom. I know this post is pretty boring, but some people wanted to see inside my house. And who knows how long I can keep it this clean for. So this is for all you people who have never been to my house.

Im just waiting to get my carpets cleaned, and then I will show pictures of the rest of the rooms.

Look at me go!

I dont really have any newish pictures of Brooklynn to share, as they are all posted on my facebook already. But you can rest assured, she is cuter than ever.

Updates:
-Rolls around like crazy without any problem. Front to back, back to front, and again..and again...and again
-Gets really frustrated that she cant crawl yet.
-Reaches for things like crazy
-Can take her soother out, put it back in, pull it out, put it in...etc etc etc
-Holds her own bottle all the time
-Been eating solids for about a month: apple sauce, pears, cereal, sweet potatoes, squash...tutti frutti, icecream, Rice Rusks, a little taste of this, a little taste of that. "That looks good, can I have some?"
-Size 6mon clothes, for the length, that absolutely drowned her because she is so petite (Her 3mon old cousin has passed her I think, and they were the same size at birth). Her jeggings arent even really jeggings because she is so scrawny. Just like mommy.
-Loves her toes
-Loves Maverick, even if the feeling is not mutual
-Not too sure about the jolly jumper. Likes the excersaucer.
-Loves frozen yogurt
-Loves mommy and daddy
-Hates Grandpas whisker kisses lol.

Ben has been going crazy in the yard trying to make it look nice. Planting trees, watering grass like crazy, trimming this, moving that. I love spring! I look out the window and everything is so green! It helps too that my in-laws have a beautiful yard, and our lot is surrounded by poplars. Its beautiful!

While Ben has been going crazy outside, I have been trying to keep up inside. Somehow, the house can get messy in just one day. I guess Ben is just trying to prepare me for the 8 kids he thinks we are having. Spick and span one minute, and then as soon as he gets home...Bang! messy again. Oh well, it gives me something to do while Brooklynn is napping. So I have the entire upstairs cleaned and organized. I work on the kitchen and living room everyday so that it doesnt get out of control. Unlike our bedroom, which was totally out of control, destruction zone. But I tackled that as well, and it looks fantastic. I love it!!! Except when ben drops his clothes on the floor as soon as he gets home....then I beat him with whatever he dropped lol :) Maybe then he will learn. Just waiting for him to drop something hard or heavy lol. JK! I even cleaned and organized our spare room upstairs, which I refer to as the catch-all room, because it is like that one drawer in the house that is the junk drawer, except our drawer is an entire room. So imagine all the junk that gets thrown in there.

I just have to decide if I am going to make the spare room into an office to do cow paperwork. I was going to, but then I remembered that when we have another baby, Brooklynn will be moved to that room, and the new baby will be in the nursery. Dont worry, Im not pregnant again yet, for all those who are like "whoa whoa whoa, what?" Im just thinking into the future. I dont want to have to haul the office desk upstairs, only to have to haul it back downstairs next year. So for now, I think it will just stay empty...and hopefully not catch any more junk.

I have also all of a sudden taken an interest in decorating! I think Pinterest may be to blame, cause there are always cool things on there. But I also just want to make my house look how I want, and until now, I havent really been interested in doing decorating. I bought new curtains for my bedroom, just to lighten the room up a bit because it is dark red, and used to have dark gold curtains. And I put a new douvet on that my parents got us for christmas. The only thing left to do is to put up the wall display above the head of the bed, since we dont have a headboard. I found this on Pinterest, and I made it today. Along with it will be various sized circular mirrors that came with the original mirror. Once that is done, my room will look exactly how I want it to. Then I can move on to the next room, the livingroom. I also want to get new curtains for that too, because it is the exact opposite of my bedroom, gold walls with red curtains. Im thinking cream curtains, just to brighten it up.

I also found this really cute spring wreath on Pinterest. Dont mind the spelling mistake on the sign, it was a face palm moment, and it has been fixed, I just didnt take a new picture. I think it turned out pretty good. What do you think?

Thats all for now. Im going to post pictures of my house once I have it all how I want it. Seeing as not very many people have actually seen inside my house. Grand Tour to come :)

What Ifs...

Well, I don't know exactly what to write, but I have so many thoughts going on in my head. But I can't really fully talk about most of them for fear of offending someone, even though this is MY blog after all. Even something that is mine is tainted by others, sheesh. So I'm going to put my thoughts into very vague hypothetical "what if" questions, and if you can guess what they are referring to, then that means that you know me pretty well.

1. What if men understood women? Enough said lol

2. What if you never gained weight?

3. What if things were how they were a hundred years ago, with technology and such?

4. What if people would admit that they were/are stupid or wrong?

5. What if people just....just not?

6. What if babies could talk, what would they say?

7. What would my child self say to me right now, or think of what I have done with my life?

8. What will my future self say to me now?

9. What if spring would finally come?

10. What if I hadn't married a farmer/rancher?

11. What if I was just finishing my third year like all my previous college classmates?

12. What if I didn't care about other peoples lives, and the drama they cause?

13. What if we had had a boy?

14. What if we were allowed to say exactly what we want to say, all the time, without fear of sounding rude or mean? Because lets face it, someone has to say something about, or I'm gonna go crazy.

15. What if I didn't have people on facebook that I have deliberately blocked so that I don't have to see their crap all over my news feed because it makes me furious? And yet go to their timeline and look at their crap cause I know that something on there will make me mad, and want to say something to them, which leads back to #1.

16. What if people stopped being fake and doing/saying things just because they think it is expected of them, or because they are trying to fool everyone? Again, back to #1 and #2.

17. What if people would be a little less selfish and not try to one-up or out-do for attention?

18. What if people realized how ridiculous they sound/act?

19. What if I could just say what I really want to say right now?

20. What if I had just gone to bed instead of writing this list?

Believe me, most of them sound alot worse in my mind when connected to the actual facts. But I wont share all those with you, because #19 isnt possible in today's world. So count this as a very beat-around-the-bush rant, that probably only I can understand. So I probably should have just done #20 :)

Becoming a Mother

Everyone tells you how much your life is going to change once you have a baby, but they can only tell you how their life changed. They can't predict how your life will change. Sure some things are fundamentally the same. But some are so unique to your situation, they could not have imagined it.

The first time you look into your child's eyes you understand what the words unconditional love truly mean. This is one of the first changes you have becoming a mother. Yes, I love her father deeply, but the love I felt when I held my daughter for the first time is something I could never explain, and it has continued to grow every moment.You don't care if she wakes up in the middle of the night, or after you just put her down for a nap, because she just wants you to hold her for a little while before she goes back to sleep. You don't care if she is driving you crazy screaming in the backseat of the car just because she wants someone to play with her. Or when she throws a tantrum at 3 months old when you try to burp her before she has finished her bottle. It doesn't matter what she has done, you love her no matter what. Can you say the same for anyone else? Your spouse may come close, but come on, we all know that you can lose it on them, or blame them for something, etc. But your baby...they can do no wrong.

Some of the things that you would never think to change, ultimately changes. I can no longer just decide to go out with Ben to check on the cows, because I first have to find someone to watch Brooklynn. I  can't just go visit a friend in the morning because I know that that is Brooklynn's nap time. We can't just be spontaneous and decide, "hey, we're in town anyways, lets just go to a movie", because we have to find a babysitter, and "oh, I didnt bring a bottle". This summer, I'm not going to be able to just go out and ride with Ben in the corn picker, because I will have a 8 month old who wont want to sit still in a crowded cab. And I wont be able to help with cow stuff, without having to leave her with grandma all day. And you dont want to go anywhere for too long, because you might miss something important, like the first time she laughs (already missed that), or the first time she rolls over, crawls, walks, talks. You cant finish anything around the house because she just woke up after only being asleep for twenty minutes, or because she doesnt want to play alone on the floor.

But yes, it does mean that you can lay on the floor all day watching your favorite TV show, without feeling bad, because you are playing with her and she is having a blast on the floor. That laundry doesnt have to be done today, because you played with your daughter all day, or you rocked her to sleep and just held her for a while when you could have put her down and got to work. She is your priority, and you dont feel bad for neglecting other things that are less important so that you can spend time on the important things.

You become completely selfless, to the point where its actually a bad thing. All of your time and energy is devoted to that little baby, that you forget to take care of yourself. Everything that you used to want for yourself, you now only want for her. Like wanting daddy to come upstairs from playing Halo, not to spend time with mommy, but to spend time with his daughter. I spend more time picking out outfits for my daughter than I do on myself. I'm more interested in brushing her short soft baby hair than my own. More interested in giving her a bath than myself. Give more importance to feeding her every three hours than even giving myself three meals a day. Yes, this just shows how much you love your child, and how your world comes to revolve around them, but some days you come to resent it, not your child, but just the fact that you no longer spend anytime on yourself. This results in one well groomed-well cared for-cutely dressed-happy baby, but one sloppy-housecoat wearing-messy ponytail-unfed-just rolled out of bed momma.

And this fact leads to one of the negatives about your new role, or at least for some. Some women are lucky, and you really hate them for it. They went through their pregnancy without gaining a pound, a stretchmark, or a pant size. Some go through these things, but already by about 3 weeks postpardum, they are already back in their pre-pregnancy jeans, with no stretchmarks, and weighing less than they did before they got pregnant. And then, there are people like me. I am the one who hates these women (sorry if you are one of them, but I'm sure you understand and wont be offended). I gained way more than what they say is "normal pregnancy weight gain", got stretch marks from my belly button to my freakin calves, and still 3 months post have only lost the delivery weight, nothing more. I didnt even get normal stretchmarks, I got them where I cant hide them. Sure, if they were just on my tummy I could live with that, cuz only I would have to see them, but on the back of my knees, they are there for the whole world to see. My skin never looks nice anymore. I hate pictures now, when I didn't before, because now I have a freakin fat face, that I cant even look at. Nothing in my wardrobe fits right, even when I go out and buy new clothes, they dont look good on my anymore by the next day. I go through three outfits before I can decide on one that makes me look the least flabby and fat. Even doing myself up doesn't make me feel good like it did before, cuz I still feel awful. And then you feel terrible because other people have it so much worse than you, because you chose this, and you at least got a precious gift out of it. Some people have their bodies due to health reasons, that they have no control over.

And then you feel guilty, because sometimes you wish that your body hadnt changed. That you could go back to how you were before. And it makes you think that you are a terrible mother for wishing that, because it means that you don't really want to give up everything for your baby. Because of course other mothers don't think this, and maybe you just dont have what it takes if you cant ungrudgingly sacrifice for your child. Of course other mothers must love their children more, right? They never think this, right?

And then you remember why you let you body be changed. You only have to look down at your child, and you remember. Even though it makes you sad, and sometimes not like yourself very much or the unfairness of it, you wouldnt change it for the world. All the sacrifices that you have made, and will continue to make, are all made worth it because of that perfect little child that has been sent to you directly from your Heavenly Father. They are completely perfect, and they could not have been made that way without Heavenly Father taking a little bit of your perfection to shape them. They are that part of you that you think you have lost.

Giggles, Bubbles, and Changes

Things are starting to swing into the busy season here on the farm. Our cows are calving right now, and so far we have had ten calves, with no deaths. We still have a few to go of ours, and then the wack load of Curtis' cows. That's when it gets really crazy. Hopefully we dont have any crazy spring storms this year to make things a pain in the butt.

Im really looking forward to Easter so that I can take some pictures of Brooklynn. I bought her these cute bunny ears for pictures. They look so cute on her. And of course, I'm super excited for some chocolate....not that I need it. Nope, definitely dont need it...still fat.

There have been a few changes going on, but not many. First off, Brooklynn can play by herself more now so it gives me time to actually make decent food for supper instead of garbage. Made really yummy tomato tortellini soup last night that I have never made before, meatloaf the day before, and homemade BBQ chicken pizza the night before. Tonight I think will be steak and potatoes and mixed veggies. Btw, I have SOOO much meat in my freezer. We butchered a cow, and took the entire thing. Well I have one little corner of misc. stuff, and the rest of my freezer is meat! I probably have like 20 roasts, and about 200lb of ground beef, plus tonnes of steaks and burgers. Its packed right full! I think we are going to give some away for our ward service auction of the youth programs.

I just switched Brooklynn over to her crib today, at least for her naps to start. She is getting too long for her bassinet. She somehow slides down to the bottom, even though she is swaddled, and then she is a scrunched up at the bottom. So we are trying to switch her over to the crib. The only thing I am worried about is that in the night when she starts fussing, I usually just get up and go put the soother back in or reposition the blanket around her head and she goes back to sleep. But having her in her crib means having her in the other room, so if she starts fussing I have to go all the way to her room instead of just across my bedroom. Hopefully she does okay. I did put a cd player in her room, and bought a set of primary music cds, so hopefully I can just play that all night and she will soothe herself if she starts to squirm or fuss. Lol that just means Ben and I get to listen to primary music over the monitor all night. We will see.

 Its pink because I turned the flash off so you can see how the pink curtains turn everything pink in her room during the day. 

The funnest thing to happen this week was on tuesday night. Ben and I went to a movie for our weekly date night. It was good, but we missed something even better. My dad was playing with Brooklynn, and all of a sudden she broke out into laughter! It was just out of the blue! She had never done it before, not even close to a laugh. So Ben and I missed it :( But luckily my parents got it one video. Its so stinkin cute, it just makes me giggle everytime I watch it. I have been trying to get her to laugh again, but no success.

Brooklynn Nicole Huber Laughing video 

(for some reason it wouldn't let me post a youtube video)

Instead of laughing, she just wants to mimic. So she has discovered how to blow bubbles and make raspberry noises (spit). I was trying to copy what my dad was doing to try to make her laugh, and she just copies now. Its super cute too. I just wish she would laugh again. Oh well, soon enough she will remember.

she loves looking at the camera. stops whatever she is doing, so its hard to catch anything

Its crazy to think that this was her not to long ago, she is changed so much!

More pics

 Brooklynn, Ben, and Landon

 Cute outfit from Kaitlin Wong

 Cute little princess.

Update:
-she now weighs a whopping 11lb 14oz! Thats 4lbs in three months, so she is right on track. I think they say about 1.5lb per month.
-still in size 1 diapers
-size 3-6 month clothes, mostly. Some 0-3 stuff and some 6-9 dresses. It just all depends on the clothes. I never really trust the sizes. Some dresses say like 12 months, but I can put her in them now and they fit good enough to wear.
-loves bathtime
-still trying to roll over, but can spin 360* on the floor like a breakdancer from trying to roll over but just scooching her legs over instead.
-she tries to sit up anytime she is in a half reclined position. It sure seems like she will sit up long before she will roll over.
-she is finally starting to get a little meat on her bones and not be such a scrawny little thing. She is still pretty tiny, and the 3-6 month close are still a little big around but she has to wear them for the length. Still a petite little thing.
-sleeps 10or11pm to 8am

Promised Pics

Just a few of the pics I promised...

 This is the first time she has ever done this. She was just laying there talking to Ben, just happy as could be after eating and having a morning bath, and then BAM....she smiled a little, fluttered her eyes, and went to sleep. All by herself! Not even swaddled or with a soother. She only stayed like this for almost an hour, but I'll take it.

 She is so cute when she sleeps! The one plus of her not letting me put her down when she is asleep...I get to watch her sleep! My little Sleeping Beauty.

 This pic was taken by Ben's cousin. These are Brooklynn's Huber cousins. Left to right---Quinn (3months, Ben's cousins baby), Beautiful Brooklynn (2months, our precious little girl), and Landon (2weeks, Ben's sisters baby). Grandma Sue got them all valentines shirts down in St. George. This was just this last week, so its a little late, but we got it. 

I snapped a good one of Brooklynn, not crying this time. Happy Valentines Day Everyone!

 This is one of my favorite pictures of her EVER! She has such fair features...perfectly straight hairline (cant see it in this picture, but its very defined, and all the same length at the back), porcelain skin, perfect kissable lips, cute little nose, and Ben's favorite... bright clear blue eyes! She looks pretty in pink.

 

Another cousins picture. Its hard to get one baby to look at the camera, let alone 3! Again, very fair features.

Finally all looking in the same direction. There skin is all different, so many variations of WHITE lol. Quinn (sorta Asian white?), Brooklynn (Porcelain Doll or Vampire white?), Landon (Redneck white?), yet all white, and yet all super cute.

Fighting with a 2 month old!

Ok Ok, before you freak out, we werent really fighting, although i do have scratch marks up and down my arms. Since I have started supplementing while waiting for my milk to come back in, Brooklynn has become attached to the bottle. She is actually getting food now, so she fights me when i try to breastfeed her. She screamed and scratched me up trying to pull away. Screamed and screamed and screamed. And mommy cried and cried and cried.

I really wanted to continue breastfeeding, cuz its easier because you dont have to sterilize or prepare anything. I kind of feeling like I didnt try had enough, but she wasnt letting me, and wouldnt take me back even if it did come back in. So I was really upset. But not as upset as she was for not getting enough food. So she won that battle. We are now switching to formula.

Slowly trying to wean her off me and forcing some bfing, just so that I dont get sore and engorged. She could quit cold turkey, but I cant. So that is our little update.